Posted in: Other - Quitting Smoking
Date: April 15, 2010
The purpose of this article is to talk about smoking from the perspective of a smoker. I can do this, because I’ve smoked for over nine years. I started when I was sixteen, and now, nine years later, I am a still a smoker.
I will not be talking about smoking in a nice way. The truth is, I hate smoking, yet I continue to do it because I’m addicted. Over the years I’ve witness my addiction become stronger. It started out as a subtle desire in the back of my mind, and has since grown to an uncontrollable longing that starts the moment I wake up.
When I first started smoking, I could manage my habit, only smoking on certain days and only smoking a certain number of cigarettes. Now, I smoke anywhere from half a pack, to a full pack a day. I’ll smoke even when I don’t want to. I currently have a cold, and despite the amplified unpleasantness of smoking, I continue to do it.
I’ve tried quitting in the past, and the truth is it wasn’t always that hard. I got past day three, and the idea to smoke began to disappear. But inevitably, there would always be one situation that caused me to come back. Stress or social reasons was usually the case. Once I had that one cigarette, I couldn’t resist any of the others. I would start smoking just as much as I did before.
This initial easy of quitting has since disappeared. I notice now, that when I quit, I experience very strong withdrawal. I become irritated, think negative thoughts, and my thinking is fuzzy. It’s like I’m walking around in a haze. Not only that, but my muscles become tense, especially in my face. The desire to smoke is very strong, and sometimes if I see a cigarette pack lying around (my roommate smokes also), I’ll open it just to see if there’s cigarette’s inside. This is completely illogical, because I know good and well the pack is empty.
In the past, if I didn’t have cigarettes around, and I wasn’t in a situation to buy them, I would do illogical things like search my car for a dropped cigarette. I would search multiple times in every nook and cranny, hoping that maybe I would find one. I knew there wasn’t a cigarette there, but I searched anyways.
When I first started smoking, I would notice the effects they had on me. I noticed my elevated heart beat and lack of energy. Now, I don’t notice it as much. It’s like I’ve gotten used to it. This disconnected physical awareness is disturbing to me. This is my body, and I’m ignoring it and slowly killing it with every cigarette.
So, I currently have five cigarettes left. I will smoke them, and then I will quit. For the next two weeks, I will continue to write, explaining what it’s like to quit. I will explain all my thoughts, feelings, and actions. Also, I will talk about how I am educating myself about the dangers of smoking. My hope is that by telling the world, it will help me to quit, and may help others as well. This is my introduction to quitting smoking. I’ll see you tomorrow.